What determines if you're in love? I've asked before, but all I've ever gotten is.. "You just know."

Well, I reject this bullshit answer. I am not appeased; I want more. Foremost, are there different levels of in love? If I am in love as a 16-year-old, is my in love different than someone who is in love as a 36-year-old? Can I even be in love as a 16-year-old?

In every sense that I have heard the phrase "in love" described, I would think I'd be considered in love with this guy. Who is not my boyfriend. Who is my ex-boyfriend. Who very much loathes my existance because I "broke his heart" or some such nonsensory.

This is most off-putting. I'd much rather forget his existance than sit around wondering (and talking to my fab psychologist Diane) about whether or not I love(d?) this kid or what. But it would appear I can't get him off my mind, and it's pretty goddamn frustrating.

Oh, I miss you so, the feel of forever; oh, that taste I know, it hurts to rememberrrrr.

Your thoughts, no matter if critical or just mean, are welcome! I happen to think this very blog I'm typing is lameshit and cliched anyways.

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So I dyed my hair drastically.





(My bangs aren't usually so emo, no worries, I have function of both eyes.)


Little known facts about my day:

- I got into a slight accident this morning and won't have my car until tomorrow afternoon. Bummer.
- I was going to go to the mall with my friend, but she couldn't go. I didn't have money anyways, I was just going to take her.
- I have an appointment today with my psychologist/therapist/whatever. Diane.
- I've developed an addiction to grilled cheese and ginger snaps.

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I woke up this morning with severe abdominal pain. That was fun. So, I went to the doctor with my fabulous step-grandma (no sarcasm intended, she really is fabulous) and was diagnosed to have either ruptured a follicle or twisted an ovary.

...What?

Well, if the pain subsides by Thursday then it was probably just a ruptured follicle. If not, I need to go to the emergency room (again) for scans of sorts. Luckily the pain seems to be wearing off; at any rate, it's not as bad as it was this morning. I spent most of the day sleeping.

Tomorrow I plan to rage at my Physics teacher. I missed a test in his class so he was ranting on about how he was going to make the makeup an impossible test to do because he assumed that I was skipping, even though I was actually in the hospital. Which is entirely unfair. So that'll happen.

Hmm, some friends of mine broke up and it's been pretty messy, now one of them is all pissed at me. Luckily it's not the one I really care about. I know I did the right thing anyways.

My boyfriend's grandma (who we call Hannah Mongramma) is making me peanut butter cookies, which I'm pretty excited for.

I attempted to photoshop myself out of boredom. I think it came out pretty okay.


Check it.

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My weekend was pretty okay. I bet if I had this same weekend a year ago, I would've thought it the most amazing thing to ever have happened to me. Where did all my wonder go?

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